Have you ever been disappointed? Or started something new and just felt like it was a hopeless cause? I'm sure we all have these moments, but God sees our efforts and He says, "you are enough." Really, even if no one notices us and we feel like we are all alone, God sees us and He delights in us. We are His beloved children.
My children love to show me what they can do. When they learn to ride a bike, write their name, sound out a word, or do a back-handspring, they want me to SEE them and cheer them on. Many times I want this same affirmation from others. I want them to SEE me and give me their 'thumbs up.'
But, God is my Daddy and He is the only Voice that counts. I want to learn to always be listening to His reassuring Voice that says, "Paula, I got you. You are Mine. I like you the way you are. You don't have to prove anything to me. You are loved." In His Presence, I can rest.
I think of Jesus and the way that He lived here on earth. For the first 30 years of his life, He was just an average guy still living with His parents and working with His father. He grew up in the favor of God and man. "There the child grew strong in body and wise in spirit. And the grace of God was on him," Luke 2:40.
Jesus was confident of who He was as a Beloved Son of God. He knew where He belonged, in God's house. His parents were not impressed, but upset and hurt when they found Him in the Temple among the teachers. Jesus explained to them that He was doing His Father's work, but they didn't know what He was talking about. Their reaction didn't make him waver, because He had learned to listen to His Father's Voice. He was still respectful to his parents, but He didn't let that stop Him from doing what He was called to do.
I want this kind of unwavering confidence!
God, help me to practice listening to Your Voice even when those around me don't understand or appreciate me. That's okay. Jesus was not appreciated by those closest to Him as well. Help me step into what You are calling me to do, without fearing rejection. And really, I believe You first want to show me who I am, Your Beloved Daughter. May I operate from a place of security, knowing that You approve of me just the way I am. Thank you, Jesus, for being our example of living free from man's control and approval. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for enabling us to live like Jesus - FREE! You are a good Daddy to us. Thank you that you preapprove us as Your children just as we are. May we live knowing we are loved unconditionally.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
I am Preapproved - Fully Loved as I am!
I’ve always been afraid of what people think of me. I mean, if you don’t like me, then there must be something wrong with me! Thus, I have done everything in my control to put up a good image and be likeable. Looking good for the approval of others has been a Love Idol for me.
I have handed other people the right to define me, and give me my self-worth. Not being a ‘natural’, I have worked extra hard to earn approval and love. Growing up, I studied long hours to ensure straight ‘A’s’, ran extra miles to make sure I was a top runner, and tried so hard to ‘fix’ my broken family and make everyone happy. I learned early on how to ‘not feel’, put on a smile, and pretend that all is well. If I let people see the real me with my hurts and flaws, I believed they would reject and abandon me.
No matter how hard I tried, NOTHING was ever ‘good enough’. I didn’t feel loved at all. I struggled on the inside while looking ‘together’ on the outside. But, life went on.
In college, I was bombarded by the idea that God expects us to ‘live free from sin.’ Perfect! That’s exactly what I want to be: PERFECT! The verse, “be perfect as my Heavenly Father is perfect” fit the bill. So, I added more restrictions to my life and tried extra hard to make God happy with me. I followed the rules of what men said God wanted, and even went beyond to ensure God’s approval.
However, I knew that sin lurked inside of me and I thought that if God hated sin, then surely God hated me. I hated myself as well so I worked hard to ‘put myself to death.’ The teaching in the church just fueled the self-hatred inside.
If only I could ‘do well’ for God, then maybe He would accept me. However, I had developed some bad habits early on that I just couldn’t shake and I didn’t think God would accept me until I did better. But, all my efforts always ended in failure so I would resolve to do better by being harsher with myself, all the while thinking this is what God wanted.
In High School, I was told that extra weight would slow me down, so I ran many miles and tried to eat very little to stay extra lean. Meanwhile, I was burdened by so much shame for what had been done to me, and blamed myself for having a broken home - that I turned to food for comfort and relief. I hated myself for this and was afraid to be fat so I made myself throw up. I tried to stop doing this on my own, buried in shame for 14 years.
I believed that I was an utter disappointment to God, and feared rejection from people if they really knew my hurts and struggles.
As I got older, I tried to find approval in being the best wife, mom, church-going, Bible-reading, praying, serving kinda girl. But, fear ruled my heart. I lived to please man, thinking I was pleasing God. The burden to be approved got heavier and heavier. I had to be so careful to do everything ‘right’, never showing any weakness.
By God’s grace, I failed. God nudged me to speak up in the unhealthy church we were a part of, which was totally inappropriate for a woman - to speak! But, I followed my heart and chose to follow God rather than man. He was the approval my heart longed for. I was scolded harshly and ‘marked’ as an insecure, fearful, carnal, emotional woman who lacked a sound mind - the very labels I spent my life trying to disprove. Those words pierced my heart, and I hurt. With no one by my side, I felt abandoned, rejected, unloved, and utterly alone. I felt like I had obeyed God, and He failed me.
I lost my ability to perform and even function. I sunk into depression and my past haunted me. I was desperately afraid that I would never be ‘good enough’ for God or people. PTSD kept me hypervigilant and fearful of more rejection. I hid for a long time.
In the pit of despair, I was finally honest to God about my life, my hurt, my anger towards Him and those who hurt me. Those who were supposed to love me, hurt me, again and again no matter how hard I tried to please them. How can I trust You, God? Why did You allow such pain and heartache in my life? What is Love anyways? I can’t comprehend it. God, please help me!
Though I wanted Him to rescue me, I was angry and afraid. I ran - He pursued.
He sent me a stranger on-line to share the Good News with me. I confessed, “I am the lost sheep,” but the stranger told me, “Paula, it sounds to me like Jesus found you.” I thought about that, and I reckoned He did. “The Gospel is not what you do for Christ, it isn’t ‘do more, try harder’, but it’s what Jesus did for you.” “God loves you as you are, not as you ‘should’ be.” The Holy Spirit used the words on the screen to pierce my wounded, hard heart.
The scary thing about love is that we have to open up our hearts to receive it. Well, I had promised myself to never open up my heart again when I was 13. I had been hurt too many times and I was never going to trust another soul in my life. But, God is near the brokenhearted and saves those with a contrite heart. He understands me completely - even my difficulty with trusting Him.
He captured my heart with His love. At my ugliest, worst moments, God accepted me and I felt His love for the first time that I can remember. I gave Him my heart.
He gently leads me out of hiding and covers my shame.
Carefully, my Chief Surgeon, reveals the Love Idols I have worshiped that have occupied my heart. Like a cancer, they take up His love space. He never scolds me, just asks me if I want Him to remove them. It’s scary, but I know it’s for my good. Those idols only hurt me and keep me from His love that heals.
Even though He has given me a new heart, the habits I formed to earn love and the lies I have believed of what makes me ‘worthy’ try to occupy my heart again. I have to remind myself daily that I am ‘preapproved’ and loved as I am. I am learning to trust my Savior with all my heart and let Him inhabit more and more.
As I receive His love, I no longer need to turn to food! He is healing that for me. I can accept the way He made me as good and appreciate my body. I can let myself feel realizing that my feelings are not ‘bad’, they make me real.
Though I still struggle with the lies that I am ‘not enough’ - feeling everything but approved, wanted, accepted, and loved as I am, He says I am enough, and that’s the truth!
The concept of the Gospel can be so hard to wrap my mind around, but the Holy Spirit continues to pierce my heart and show me His love that He proved for me through Jesus. God loves me enough to give His only Son - for ME! I don’t deserve His love. I can’t earn it, but it’s Mine. I am His, and He is mine, and His banner over me is love. I can rest. I am preapproved! That truth makes me a Believer.
The more God’s love fills my heart, the freer I become from all the idols that kept me bound.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Hiding Behind a Smile
Sometimes it means I'm happy. Sometimes excited,
but sometimes it's a mask because I'm afraid to show my true emotions.
I don't want to drag people down and be a burden so I put on a smile and act like all is well. Fear and shame have kept me bound. "I'm too sensitive and insecure. I should just get over it. Really, I am no good and unlovable," are lies I've believed. What if I push you away?
My answer has been to hide - hide my pain, fear, and shadow side behind a smile. It protects me from being honest, keeping my life safely concealed.
Silently, I cry, "Help me," but I can not seem to muster up the courage to speak. I keep myself locked up in shame and self-contempt. I punish myself for having longings to be cherished and loved. I convince myself that if anyone saw the real me, they would snicker and judge - disapprove and discard. But I'm desperate for you to see through my facade, to hear my cries, and accept me for who I am. I want to know that my life counts - that I'm worth it.
Rejection, betrayal, and abuse are hard to just 'get over.' When trust is broken again and again, the risk to be vulnerable seems too great. Every time you're hurt, you add another layer of bricks to wall off your heart.
"I will never trust anyone again," I told myself when I was 13. I learned that one does best to bury her feelings and pain, and just put on a smile. Look good, work hard, and make everyone happy - that's the way to survive in this world.
While this works for a while, the blanket of denial and burden of grief becomes unbearable. Hopelessness, depression, and despair made me question, "Who am I? What's the point of my life?"
I saw myself a corpse lying on the floor wondering how I got here. What do I do? There's no one I can trust, no safe place to be. I am all alone - lost.
Thankfully, Jesus seeks the lost. He is near the brokenhearted. He sets the captives free. He is relentless in His pursuit and unwavering in His love. He captures me with His loving embrace and I let Him see ME just as I am. I weep.
He doesn't want my smile on the outside when I'm dying on the inside. He enters into my pain and suffers with me. He doesn't scold me for where I am. He accepts me just as I am. He covers my shame and calms my fears.
I am safe in Him. His promise to never leave my side comforts me. I am free to just be me and that's enough.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Free to Be You!
We come as we are. Don’t we always come as we are? Just whether we reveal ourselves to one another depends... Am I safe? Will they approve of me? What if they disagree and I am shut down? What if they can’t understand? What if they don’t believe me? For me, the biggest hindrance is the lie that my story isn’t worth listening to.
We all have insecurities and fears along with hope and dreams, and it’s a battle to trust and believe that we are loved - just. as. we. are. We don’t have to prove our worth to anyone - Jesus already proved our value by paying the highest price for us - His very life! We don’t have to hide - He will never put us to shame and even when we fail, He still approves. We are free to take risks, live our dreams, and just be honestly true to who He made us to be.
This is not an easy road to travel and living loved means taking risks. We all get down sometimes, and we need people in the arena with us to remind us who we really are - forgiven, loved, pre-approved.
It’s a fight to live life alive, to show our truest selves, to come out of hiding. To be vulnerable takes courage, but when we can be honest with one another, we open our hearts to healing and connection. We open our hearts to the greatest gift of all, Love.
Circled up, we each introduce ourselves and proclaim that we are grateful believers in Jesus Christ living in this broken world in which we all have struggles. I’ve never been in an environment where people are safe to share their own personal deep struggles and be lifted up and encouraged, but it is a beautiful thing to behold. It is pure grace.
Honest hearts spill forth and it is a sacred offering to our Lord. I can relate to every. one. In sharing our burdens, we know that we are not alone.
One woman confesses her addiction to food for comfort and how God is helping her to turn to Him step by step.
Another tells of her husband’s recent relapse and the pain and struggle to trust and love him even in his addiction.
In tears, one woman tells of the deep struggle of loneliness and the grief of coming from a broken family - struggling with envy when she sees others in happy homes and is reminded that hers is not.
Others share about dealing with anger and unforgiveness.
A young woman breaks as she shares how someone was kind to her in a way she had never experienced and it touched her deep - a love message from her Daddy-God.
Some pass with no judgement, just love and acceptance. We understand.
A mother eagerly awaiting to embrace her two children from a foreign land shares her deep longing to hold them close, safe and home, but is faced with unrealistic demands for paperwork that is out of her control. She shares how this trial brought her to a breaking point, feeling angry towards God "because if He cared,He would help." She told God she no longer believed, but as she escaped in her music, a song she never heard came on about trusting in God’s unconditional love. The lyrics repeated over and over again, “I will bring her home. I will bring her home. I will bring her home.” The words pierced her heart, and she said for the first time, she knew God’s love - not just in her head, but she felt it in her heart. Tears streamed down our faces - together. This is Holy Ground.
My turn came around. I confessed my deepest struggle is hating myself - not believing what God says about me - that I am His beloved daughter and I don’t have to do anything to earn it. Yet, even in my unbelief, God is doing miracles all around me. It’s like the walls of Jericho in my heart and in my life are falling down, and I picture Jesus carrying me through the rubble. When I can’t hang on, He holds me tight and close to His chest so I can feel His heart beating for me. He really is crazy about me!
Sitting in the midst of my beautiful sisters that Jesus holds so dear, I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and faithfulness to each of us. So, in my turn, I ask if they don’t mind if I just share my heart in prayer. I thank God for being our Daddy who cares for each one of us and never leaves us - He meets us right where we are IN the struggles and mess.
My heart is filled with compassion and love for God's people. Then, He confirms in my heart that I am His. He has come and made His home in me! Something I’ve always doubted. But His Spirit in me cries, “Abba Father.” I know I am loved and I can trust Him. That gives me courage to share my story even in the middle, unfinished, messy place.
I am nourished by the beautiful women, each with her own story, who opened up their hearts. We all have hurts, hang-ups, and habits that weigh us down, but we are not meant to carry them alone! In sharing our burdens, we invite Jesus to lift us up out of the ashes. We laugh. We cry. We pray. Jesus comes down and meets with us - He doesn’t keep His distance. He enters into the rubble with us, reaching the unreachable parts, healing our wounded hearts, giving us hope even in the valley of death, and redeeming our very lives.
Love calls out the good in one another and inspires courage in each other to live confidently in our Heavenly Father’s unwavering love for us. My heart is full. "Let us love one another."
God is real and He really can do miracles in each of us no matter how dark and deep our pit.
“There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.” Corrie ten Boom
We all have insecurities and fears along with hope and dreams, and it’s a battle to trust and believe that we are loved - just. as. we. are. We don’t have to prove our worth to anyone - Jesus already proved our value by paying the highest price for us - His very life! We don’t have to hide - He will never put us to shame and even when we fail, He still approves. We are free to take risks, live our dreams, and just be honestly true to who He made us to be.
This is not an easy road to travel and living loved means taking risks. We all get down sometimes, and we need people in the arena with us to remind us who we really are - forgiven, loved, pre-approved.
It’s a fight to live life alive, to show our truest selves, to come out of hiding. To be vulnerable takes courage, but when we can be honest with one another, we open our hearts to healing and connection. We open our hearts to the greatest gift of all, Love.
Circled up, we each introduce ourselves and proclaim that we are grateful believers in Jesus Christ living in this broken world in which we all have struggles. I’ve never been in an environment where people are safe to share their own personal deep struggles and be lifted up and encouraged, but it is a beautiful thing to behold. It is pure grace.
Honest hearts spill forth and it is a sacred offering to our Lord. I can relate to every. one. In sharing our burdens, we know that we are not alone.
One woman confesses her addiction to food for comfort and how God is helping her to turn to Him step by step.
Another tells of her husband’s recent relapse and the pain and struggle to trust and love him even in his addiction.
In tears, one woman tells of the deep struggle of loneliness and the grief of coming from a broken family - struggling with envy when she sees others in happy homes and is reminded that hers is not.
Others share about dealing with anger and unforgiveness.
A young woman breaks as she shares how someone was kind to her in a way she had never experienced and it touched her deep - a love message from her Daddy-God.
Some pass with no judgement, just love and acceptance. We understand.
A mother eagerly awaiting to embrace her two children from a foreign land shares her deep longing to hold them close, safe and home, but is faced with unrealistic demands for paperwork that is out of her control. She shares how this trial brought her to a breaking point, feeling angry towards God "because if He cared,He would help." She told God she no longer believed, but as she escaped in her music, a song she never heard came on about trusting in God’s unconditional love. The lyrics repeated over and over again, “I will bring her home. I will bring her home. I will bring her home.” The words pierced her heart, and she said for the first time, she knew God’s love - not just in her head, but she felt it in her heart. Tears streamed down our faces - together. This is Holy Ground.
My turn came around. I confessed my deepest struggle is hating myself - not believing what God says about me - that I am His beloved daughter and I don’t have to do anything to earn it. Yet, even in my unbelief, God is doing miracles all around me. It’s like the walls of Jericho in my heart and in my life are falling down, and I picture Jesus carrying me through the rubble. When I can’t hang on, He holds me tight and close to His chest so I can feel His heart beating for me. He really is crazy about me!
Sitting in the midst of my beautiful sisters that Jesus holds so dear, I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and faithfulness to each of us. So, in my turn, I ask if they don’t mind if I just share my heart in prayer. I thank God for being our Daddy who cares for each one of us and never leaves us - He meets us right where we are IN the struggles and mess.
My heart is filled with compassion and love for God's people. Then, He confirms in my heart that I am His. He has come and made His home in me! Something I’ve always doubted. But His Spirit in me cries, “Abba Father.” I know I am loved and I can trust Him. That gives me courage to share my story even in the middle, unfinished, messy place.
I am nourished by the beautiful women, each with her own story, who opened up their hearts. We all have hurts, hang-ups, and habits that weigh us down, but we are not meant to carry them alone! In sharing our burdens, we invite Jesus to lift us up out of the ashes. We laugh. We cry. We pray. Jesus comes down and meets with us - He doesn’t keep His distance. He enters into the rubble with us, reaching the unreachable parts, healing our wounded hearts, giving us hope even in the valley of death, and redeeming our very lives.
Love calls out the good in one another and inspires courage in each other to live confidently in our Heavenly Father’s unwavering love for us. My heart is full. "Let us love one another."
God is real and He really can do miracles in each of us no matter how dark and deep our pit.
“There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.” Corrie ten Boom
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Every Story Matters
I’m writing right now because I have believed the lie that my life doesn’t really matter - that no one cares about my story. That if my friends really knew all of me, I would be too much, and they would leave me. I’m writing because I fight so many lies every. single. day.
As I read the words of my friend, Jennifer, “Your words matter to God. Your words matter to people.” I threw my phone down and just wept. It was like God was speaking directly to ME - piercing through my scarred heart, and I cried, “Oh God, help me believe this.”
Earlier this morning, I had opened my phone-Bible (Message version) looking for a verse on friends. I ended up in John 15, “Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.” Immediately, I was bombarded with condemnation. “You are a bad friend, Paula. Think of all the friends you have lost. No one will ever stick it out with you because you don’t stick it out with them.” I got myself in a shame pit, and it’s so hard to try to climb out.
The truth is that I grew up too fast in an unhappy home and I found my worth by pleasing others and performing for acceptance. I have always longed to be close to God and people, but I walled-off my heart at an early age. I learned the world was an unsafe place and no one could protect me, so I had to protect myself. Though I’ve had a nice, competent, ‘together’, positive exterior, I never let anyone see the hurt I buried inside. I truly believed I was worthless and no one would ever love me - for me. It is a fight to not believe these lies still.
I married a man that wasn’t really attracted to me, but God told him to marry me and he liked that I was a “good, humble, submissive” girl who wouldn’t hold him back. I never complained and I truly wanted to live for Jesus. He believed we should “live as if we weren’t married” in order to be ‘sold out’ for Jesus and further the Gospel. Though it sounded good and I thought I was 'dying to myself,' I really felt unloved, abandoned, and alone. I didn’t believe I had any worth - so at least I could help him make much of God.
Then, we ended up in an unhealthy church that promised to love us and teach us God’s ways. We gave ourselves to them. I was uncomfortable at first, coming from the world with different standards, but I changed my exterior to fit the mold, and I quietly conformed and obeyed my leaders with a smile. I tried so hard to please so I would belong and be loved, but I never could measure up. I never was good enough. I still love all the people there and count them as friends, but when I left, the connections were severed, and I was once again, desperately alone - unloved. Who really cares for me?
I gave up. Life is too hard. No one will ever love me. I am lost. Then, God put two friends in my life that believed in me. They believed in Jesus in me. They didn’t mind my tears or hurt or anger. That didn’t push me away. My friend, Dave, told me that Jesus found me and that “God loves me as I am, not as I ‘should’ be,” a quote from Brennan Manning. It was too good to be true - with eyes on all of my failures of the past - I doubted God could really like ME. But there was a little speck of hope that I hung on to - that maybe it really was true - there was hope, even for me.
Through Dave and Kelli’s friendship and love to me, God started tearing down my walls. I felt Love, God’s love, for the first time. I know God tried to show me before, but I was too walled-off and hard to feel.
My Creator Daddy is a gentleman and He doesn’t push me too hard - little by little, He opens my heart to heal me. Though I cry because it hurts, His love touches my pain and makes me soft so I can feel again. He makes my heart alive, and I’d rather be alive and able to feel even in the suffering, than dead-while-breathing and numb.
He’s given me a heart that can show my true self and accept the way I am, because He accepts me as I am. Now I can connect with others on a heart level because God has made my heart to feel, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am thankful for the friends I have, for the friends I have had that are still in my heart and I believe that God will reunite us again, and I’m thankful for the people God will put in my life to share this life with through the joy and the pain. I’m thankful that my husband is now my friend too and God is connecting us in a deeper way than ever.
Thank you, God, that redemption wins! Love wins! You love us so we can love others and friendships are a beautiful gift from You. Thank You for never giving up on us even when we give up.
Thus, I’m writing right now because I am a Believer. Though I’ve wished my life away so many times, God sees me as valuable and He has me here on purpose - for purpose. He proved His love for me through Jesus, so I surrender. My life is His - not to hide my true self, but to share all that God has done and is doing for me - even in the struggles. May He have glory in my life.
As I read the words of my friend, Jennifer, “Your words matter to God. Your words matter to people.” I threw my phone down and just wept. It was like God was speaking directly to ME - piercing through my scarred heart, and I cried, “Oh God, help me believe this.”
Earlier this morning, I had opened my phone-Bible (Message version) looking for a verse on friends. I ended up in John 15, “Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.” Immediately, I was bombarded with condemnation. “You are a bad friend, Paula. Think of all the friends you have lost. No one will ever stick it out with you because you don’t stick it out with them.” I got myself in a shame pit, and it’s so hard to try to climb out.
The truth is that I grew up too fast in an unhappy home and I found my worth by pleasing others and performing for acceptance. I have always longed to be close to God and people, but I walled-off my heart at an early age. I learned the world was an unsafe place and no one could protect me, so I had to protect myself. Though I’ve had a nice, competent, ‘together’, positive exterior, I never let anyone see the hurt I buried inside. I truly believed I was worthless and no one would ever love me - for me. It is a fight to not believe these lies still.
I married a man that wasn’t really attracted to me, but God told him to marry me and he liked that I was a “good, humble, submissive” girl who wouldn’t hold him back. I never complained and I truly wanted to live for Jesus. He believed we should “live as if we weren’t married” in order to be ‘sold out’ for Jesus and further the Gospel. Though it sounded good and I thought I was 'dying to myself,' I really felt unloved, abandoned, and alone. I didn’t believe I had any worth - so at least I could help him make much of God.
Then, we ended up in an unhealthy church that promised to love us and teach us God’s ways. We gave ourselves to them. I was uncomfortable at first, coming from the world with different standards, but I changed my exterior to fit the mold, and I quietly conformed and obeyed my leaders with a smile. I tried so hard to please so I would belong and be loved, but I never could measure up. I never was good enough. I still love all the people there and count them as friends, but when I left, the connections were severed, and I was once again, desperately alone - unloved. Who really cares for me?
I gave up. Life is too hard. No one will ever love me. I am lost. Then, God put two friends in my life that believed in me. They believed in Jesus in me. They didn’t mind my tears or hurt or anger. That didn’t push me away. My friend, Dave, told me that Jesus found me and that “God loves me as I am, not as I ‘should’ be,” a quote from Brennan Manning. It was too good to be true - with eyes on all of my failures of the past - I doubted God could really like ME. But there was a little speck of hope that I hung on to - that maybe it really was true - there was hope, even for me.
Through Dave and Kelli’s friendship and love to me, God started tearing down my walls. I felt Love, God’s love, for the first time. I know God tried to show me before, but I was too walled-off and hard to feel.
My Creator Daddy is a gentleman and He doesn’t push me too hard - little by little, He opens my heart to heal me. Though I cry because it hurts, His love touches my pain and makes me soft so I can feel again. He makes my heart alive, and I’d rather be alive and able to feel even in the suffering, than dead-while-breathing and numb.
He’s given me a heart that can show my true self and accept the way I am, because He accepts me as I am. Now I can connect with others on a heart level because God has made my heart to feel, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am thankful for the friends I have, for the friends I have had that are still in my heart and I believe that God will reunite us again, and I’m thankful for the people God will put in my life to share this life with through the joy and the pain. I’m thankful that my husband is now my friend too and God is connecting us in a deeper way than ever.
Thank you, God, that redemption wins! Love wins! You love us so we can love others and friendships are a beautiful gift from You. Thank You for never giving up on us even when we give up.
Thus, I’m writing right now because I am a Believer. Though I’ve wished my life away so many times, God sees me as valuable and He has me here on purpose - for purpose. He proved His love for me through Jesus, so I surrender. My life is His - not to hide my true self, but to share all that God has done and is doing for me - even in the struggles. May He have glory in my life.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
My Daddy's Messages of Love
Dear Beloved Daughter,
You long for others to tell you you're worth it, but I long to send you love messages from Me. Just listen. Look around and you will SEE me in everything. I'm here with you. I've been with you all along. I love you, My precious child. I like all the things about you that you don't like. I created you in My Image, and you are beautiful inside and out.
Please don't worry child - I know you carry so much grief that you don't feel like you'll make it another day. Let Me take your burdens. I will carry you when you can't go on.
I love you, dear one. I always have. You are Mine, and I will protect and watch over you. I know your every thought, every tear, every laugh - and I care about it all. You matter to me - every part of you. So rest, my child, rest. You're gonna make it - I already made provision for you to be close to Me forever, and I will provide for your every need while you're still here on earth.
You'll never be alone - I live within you, breathe through you, My heart beats with your heart. Listen and trust what's inside. I am always with you. You are My home and I love being home with you. I like spending time with you, and I think you are fun. I gave you good gifts and I love when you enjoy them. I smile watching you, and when you are broken and weighed down, I am with you to comfort you. I will always be here to hold you and heal your wounds.
You can trust Me. I love you with My very life. I want you to know that you are wanted. You are loved. You are My girl forever. When I look at you, I just see beauty. Lift up your head, My child, and walk with Me. I have glorious things to show you. I have a good plan for your life. Let Me lead you, and you will see. Look around at all the love messages I send you today - in your child's eyes and snuggles, your friend's message, the deep blue sky - Love is all around you. Let me fill your heart with Love today.
Love your Creator Daddy,
God
Thank you, Daddy, thank you. You make me cry because You really do love me and want good for me. I love You too - so much. I want to follow You. Thank You for carrying me so much of my life, and giving me joy in the midst of pain. You are so good to me, and I don't deserve it, but You gave all anyways. Help me believe Your words, and not lies. Help me see with Your eyes. Thank You for breaking through to me so many times. Thank You for making Your home in me and never getting tired of hearing from me. Your Love changes me.
I am Yours forever,
Love with all my heart,
Your Beloved Daughter
You long for others to tell you you're worth it, but I long to send you love messages from Me. Just listen. Look around and you will SEE me in everything. I'm here with you. I've been with you all along. I love you, My precious child. I like all the things about you that you don't like. I created you in My Image, and you are beautiful inside and out.
Please don't worry child - I know you carry so much grief that you don't feel like you'll make it another day. Let Me take your burdens. I will carry you when you can't go on.
I love you, dear one. I always have. You are Mine, and I will protect and watch over you. I know your every thought, every tear, every laugh - and I care about it all. You matter to me - every part of you. So rest, my child, rest. You're gonna make it - I already made provision for you to be close to Me forever, and I will provide for your every need while you're still here on earth.
You'll never be alone - I live within you, breathe through you, My heart beats with your heart. Listen and trust what's inside. I am always with you. You are My home and I love being home with you. I like spending time with you, and I think you are fun. I gave you good gifts and I love when you enjoy them. I smile watching you, and when you are broken and weighed down, I am with you to comfort you. I will always be here to hold you and heal your wounds.
You can trust Me. I love you with My very life. I want you to know that you are wanted. You are loved. You are My girl forever. When I look at you, I just see beauty. Lift up your head, My child, and walk with Me. I have glorious things to show you. I have a good plan for your life. Let Me lead you, and you will see. Look around at all the love messages I send you today - in your child's eyes and snuggles, your friend's message, the deep blue sky - Love is all around you. Let me fill your heart with Love today.
Love your Creator Daddy,
God
Thank you, Daddy, thank you. You make me cry because You really do love me and want good for me. I love You too - so much. I want to follow You. Thank You for carrying me so much of my life, and giving me joy in the midst of pain. You are so good to me, and I don't deserve it, but You gave all anyways. Help me believe Your words, and not lies. Help me see with Your eyes. Thank You for breaking through to me so many times. Thank You for making Your home in me and never getting tired of hearing from me. Your Love changes me.
I am Yours forever,
Love with all my heart,
Your Beloved Daughter
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Prayer from my Heart
Dear Daddy,
One of the biggest things I struggle with is worth. I just have a hard time believing that I’m worth it. I want to go Home. I struggle because even though I know people really do love me, I feel so alone. When I get close to someone, I fear they’ll leave me. I don’t want to be afraid of being left anymore. God, why do I fear this so bad?
Help me know that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Help me know that I am loved just as I am, and I don’t have to get it right for Your approval. Help me know that You really do want me - You already proved that by making a way for me to be close to You through the sacrifice of Your Beloved Son.
You like to hear from me. You like to spend time with me. You want me to be close to You, and You want to be close to me. I don’t annoy You with all my questions and doubts. You totally get that, and You are more than eager to help me SEE You in everything, and hear Your Voice. You never tire in Your pursuit of me. You pursue me with a passionate Love for You are Love. You don’t get impatient with me. You truly take delight in me in all my mess. You don’t see mess, You see beauty. You see me as Your Beloved Daughter and You want me to enjoy life. You love to give me good gifts. Help me to receive all of Your gifts with open palms and unclenched fists.
Love,
Your Beloved Girl in Jesus’ Precious Name,
Amen
One of the biggest things I struggle with is worth. I just have a hard time believing that I’m worth it. I want to go Home. I struggle because even though I know people really do love me, I feel so alone. When I get close to someone, I fear they’ll leave me. I don’t want to be afraid of being left anymore. God, why do I fear this so bad?
Help me know that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Help me know that I am loved just as I am, and I don’t have to get it right for Your approval. Help me know that You really do want me - You already proved that by making a way for me to be close to You through the sacrifice of Your Beloved Son.
You like to hear from me. You like to spend time with me. You want me to be close to You, and You want to be close to me. I don’t annoy You with all my questions and doubts. You totally get that, and You are more than eager to help me SEE You in everything, and hear Your Voice. You never tire in Your pursuit of me. You pursue me with a passionate Love for You are Love. You don’t get impatient with me. You truly take delight in me in all my mess. You don’t see mess, You see beauty. You see me as Your Beloved Daughter and You want me to enjoy life. You love to give me good gifts. Help me to receive all of Your gifts with open palms and unclenched fists.
Love,
Your Beloved Girl in Jesus’ Precious Name,
Amen
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