Have you ever bared your soul only to get blank stares back? Or shared your heart with a friend without any feedback? It's vulnerable to open our souls and let another person have a peek. We stand there naked, exposed, waiting... It's unbearable really. Without some reassurance that we aren't the only one, and that our experience and feelings are valid, we want to run away and hide in shame.
Shame has been a constant voice in my head my whole life. It tells me I'm never good enough. That if people really knew me, they wouldn't like me. It makes me want to disappear - afraid of being disconnected from the rest of humanity. It tells me I am bad and not worth anyone's love, just a waste of time.
In my fight against shame, I remember that God chose me before I was ever born. One thing that helps me is to write letters to myself from my Maker. It doesn't have to be "good" because I'm not judged on how well I do. Instead, it's just truth to minister to my soul and help me to live freely - and loved.
Here's a letter from my Creator Daddy this week:
You are my precious daughter. I love you, little one. You are worth loving. You don't have to prove your worth. I have good plans for you. Don't worry, my child, I will never let you go. Even the smallest acts of love give me great delight. My love lives in you and you are learning to let others love you and give love to others. All of that is Me in you, and it is a beautiful thing to behold.
I'm sorry about all the hurts and loss in your life. This is a broken world full of sorrows, but I come to give you hope and life. I am mending your broken heart, and you can trust that I am working in ways you cannot see in the lives of loved ones you have had to let go. I can make all things new. It's okay to let go of relationships that hurt you. It's not your responsibility to fix others. You can leave that work to Me. You can rest, my love.
I am with you. I fight for you. I believe in you. I will never let you go. You are mine and I love every part of you.
With all my love,
By the way, I like the way you are. I made you that way on purpose and for purpose. Just be you.
You are loved, my child.